Sunday, April 27, 2008

Out Of The Mouth The Heart Speaks

We've all heard that little tidbit before. The more I hear that, the more I take pause and think about it. Out of the mouth the heart speaks. My heart really needs a change in condition. Lately, my words are cutting and crass...speaking without thinking first, only to regret it later. I said something to hubby yesterday that I wish I could take back. The sting of those words to him will be felt for a long time to come, I'm afraid. I didn't mean it. Really.

Seriously though, I can't figure out just why exactly my heart is so full of disdainful words...words that are not glorifying or life giving at all. It's more like acrid, foul filth that comes flying out from between my teeth. That is hard to admit, but it's true. Yes,the feelings in my heart match the words coming out of my mouth more often than not, so I know it's imperative that I do something about it. Not just for me, but even more for those that are precious to me.

Anyway, moving on...

39 years ago today, hubby was born into this world. I don't know what time or even what he tipped the scales weighing in at (his mother doesn't remember), but even in the midst of our troubled marriage, I am thankful that he is here and a part of my life. Even when things are barely tolerable between us, I cling to the dream I have of what our lives should be...and that keeps me hanging onto what could be. Happy Birthday to you hubby...I know that the sweet man I married is still in there. Somewhere. And I hope he can be found again. Soon.

I'm going to go and light the 39 candles that are stuck willy nilly into the chosen birthday dessert, and celebrate life today.

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