Friday, August 31, 2007

No Spitballs On The Baby, Please

The things that I hear myself say sometimes make me feel like I am in some off-the-wall wacky comedy movie! Just the other day on the way to soccer practice, E was trying to perfect the art of shooting spitballs through a straw. Most of the spitballs hit the windshield, but a few were directed at the head of the baby, who of course was delighted. Since the baby expressed his delight with belly laughs, E's fire to continue was fueled even more. "Please"! I pleaded, "Don't shoot spitballs at the baby"! Little S ended up plastered with sticky balls of paper coated in spit anyway. Yuck.

The spitballs however, don't even begin to touch what Mr. Fantastic did that very same day. I had a basement full of children (5 of my own and 3 neighbor kids) and I hear C yell " Mooooommmmmm! Josh threw POOP on the ceiling"! I practically tripped over my own two feet in order to get downstairs as fast as I could. Sure enough, there was not only poop on the ceiling, but there was also poop on the stairs. So, while holding in my gags, I demanded to know the story behind why there was poop on the ceiling and whom did the poop belong to anyway?? Seems S had taken his diaper off by himself (which he does often...he's a diaper Houdini) and handed it to J. When J realized what exactly he had been handed, he threw it into the air where it hit the ceiling, leaving a smear, and then the open diaper tumbled down the stairs leaving a trail of baby poo pebbles. (thank goodness S has been constipated lately, so his poo is like something that a rabbit would leave) All of the kids in the basement said it was the most "disgusting thing" they had seen all day. I'd have to agree.

I tend to ask my kids a lot of questions. Over and over again. Here they are in somewhat of an order :

1. Did you pee on the seat? ( usually answered with a shoulder shrug or an avoidance of eye contact )

2. Did you flush? ( usually answered with the child being asked running back to the bathroom to flush )

3. Did you wash your hands? ( usually answered the same way as question #2. )

4. Did you hit (shove, bite, kick) your brother/sister? ( usually answered with "Yes, but it wasn't my fault")

5. Did you brush your teeth? ( usually answered by child throwing him/herself on the floor and yelling "But I cannnnn't brush my teeth, I can't find my toothbrush/paste" or "I wiiiillllll, laaaaater"! ) I just retort with "Okay, only brush the teeth you want to keep" or "The Tooth Fairy doesn't pay out for rotten teeth". For that, I just get a blank stare, but occasionally I'll get cooperation. Hey, I'll take what I can get!

I ask many, many more questions, but I wouldn't want to get carpal tunnel in my wrists from typing them all out.

I'm going to sign off for now, as I thought I saw the baby stuck on top of Mount Kilimanjaro (a.k.a., the laundry pile) in the hallway.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Because I Am A Superhero, After All

I hear over and over again each day..."I AM that HEEERO"! Little S has become quite fond of Warry boy (that's Larry Boy if you're not up on toddler talk). He asks to watch it several times a day by dragging me to the t.v. with his Veggie Tales DVD in hand, and sometimes he can actually sit for a few minutes and pay attention to it, when he's not 'accidentally' turning the t.v. off or changing the channel to fuzz. (we don't have cable) However, he has picked up enough to be completely enamored by Warry Boy. I (yes, me! *waving my hands in the air*) want to be my kids' hero. I (yes, me again!) want to don the purple cape and red suction cup ears to rescue them from the villains of this world. I don't want them looking to someone else with their innocent eyes and hearts to gain worldly wisdom. I know I can't stop it, but I sure can try!

We're coming up on a 4 day weekend here. The kids are looking forward to it with glee and delight. Me? Not so much. I suppose if it were exciting to look forward to constant fighting, teasing, screaming and bouncing off the walls, I would be ecstatic! I never thought that I would enjoy public school so much... (said with a little leap in my heart!)

Speaking of school, I can see that J is really struggling this year. Last year, he had such a free spirit and I know that he felt on top of the world--the way he bounded out of bed raring to go was all the proof I needed. This year, I have a teary kid that doesn't want to go to school much less do his homework. It takes a crane to pull him out of bed, and he just lingers over his breakfast and dawdles like a duck following it's mother. It's quite sad, really. I think I'll dial up my home school mom friends and get a little a advice on how to get the little guy back on track.

Not much else going on today... I suppose I should go and balance the checkbook to see if I can actually afford the $196.38 I spent at Sam's club today. I think I'll sign off to get a head start on sewing that purple cape before the kids get home from school. Anyone know where I can find red suction cup ears?

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Tantrum Tuesday

I think that it could be lucrative to create some kind of restraint device for 3 year olds that could hold them down in the midst of a tantrum. In regards to my particular 3 year old, a mouth guard to prevent self-biting would be a good idea as well. Heck, with all of the tantrums that go on in my house, it'd be great to have that restraint in a variety of sizes, so I didn't have to try and squeeze my 11 year old into a toddler sized one. (and here's a picture of The Queen Of Quite A Lot)

Seriously, little G threw a mega-sized tantrum this morning. Apparently, she doesn't understand why the neighbor girl doesn't get out of bed before 10am so they can play together. (quite frankly, neither do I!) She wasn't quite content to lounge on the couch and watch Sesame Street, she'd rather go and sit on the neighbor's porch and wait for the little girl to wake up. Uh, no. So, now I am nursing a headache and my ears are ringing from the very high pitched screams that emanated out of G so very early today. Sadly, I am in for more protests from her, as she's come down with a virus, so she won't be going out to play anyway!

R is still on the job hunt. It's not going very quickly though as he really doesn't have a lot of time to search and apply. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out. We won't really end up in bankruptcy and foreclosure, will we?

E has another soccer practice today. I'm sure it's quite amusing for all of the other parents on the field to watch me chase around my kids hollering incessantly for them to stay away from the parking lot and to stop climbing every available tree, instead of just being able to watch their own kid chase the soccer ball. It's okay though, I am used to being a spectacle of sorts these days. Seems anywhere I go with all the kids, I get the look and stares from all of the 'perfect' families. Maybe they're not perfect so much. Maybe they just have it all together more than I do.

If anyone knows how to get me on Super Nanny, let me know.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Monday Madness and Mayhem

I love Mondays. Most of them anyway. It's the day when my work week is over, and the school week begins! We have the usual chaos and such, as would anyone trying to get 75 people (okay, it's just 7, I exaggerated a bit) out the door by 7:30am. I still don't understand the process that goes on in the kids minds when I tell them they only have 30 minutes to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush their teeth, comb their hair and gather their backpacks and lunches. Clearly, they hear in a different language than I am actually speaking because they walk around in circles not doing much of anything, especially not what I told them to do. I think in their language what I say about getting ready means 'to turn on the t.v., sit and stare at your bowl of oatmeal while picking your nose. Oh, and do it in your socks with your shirt on backwards and inside out. And one more thing, be sure not to comb your hair and put on your shoes, you won't be able to find them anyway since they are sitting by the front door in plain sight'. Maybe I should get their ears (and eyes) checked. Soon.

We went to a birthday party at the infamous Chuck E Cheese yesterday. I have a love/hate relationship with that place. I love it because we're almost always there for a birthday party for some child other than our own, so we don't have to pay for anything. I also love it that when you come in the front door, you are welcomed by a very loud and boisterous teenage girl who stamps a number in invisible ink on the left arm of each child and parent. We all had the number 63. What's great about this is that NO ONE other than the parent with the matching number can take your kid out of the restaurant. R and I had a great time knowing that we didn't have to constantly keep track of the kids, because they were not in danger of being pilfered through the front door by some desperate loon. The only thing I really hate about the place is that when it's time to go home, all the kids have a melt-down because they are not ready to leave. Ah well, such is life when all the kids are sugared up and hyped on fun.

I am starting as a volunteer at the school today. Somehow, my name and number were written in on the sign up sheet for lunch and recess monitor. Twice! I must have been in my weekly haze when that happened, because I'm not sure why I would've done that. No not really, I am looking forward to hanging out at school and making sure my kids eat their lunch and don't get bullied on the playground. (oh, and I suppose making sure that doesn't happen with all the other kids too!)

Signing off to catch up on laundry and to clean up the Legos in the living room before someone impales their foot with a tiny, plastic weapon.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Peace and Quiet?

I am enjoying the sound of nothing other than my fingers flying across the keyboard...I am alone! Granted, I am alone and full of guilt as to why I am alone. My family is at church, and I am not. Guilty. Of course, this gives me another opportunity to complain about working nights and about how tired I am! (imagine that!) I am home because I need a nap. I need a nap just so I can get through the rest of my day. (so, why am I on the computer instead of sleeping?) We've got plenty on the agenda later today and I really would like to enjoy being around people (namely my family) and not feel like biting their heads off because I am so tired. God will forgive me, right? (promising that I will listen to the sermon online this week...after a good nap)

R is finally feeling much better after his bout with prostatitis. He was SO sick, but somehow I managed to laugh at him and congratulate him on his first 'old man's disease'. ( I don't think R even knew he had a prostate) I think he may have thought that my comment was funny at any other time, but when you're burning up with fever, can't pee to save your life, and ache all over, I suppose that's just not the time for humor?

Well, I am going to sign off and take that nap, after I clean up the cereal off the table, the honey off the floor and the milk off the ceiling. (don't ask) Maybe I'll be back later today to shove off more,(and maybe I'll have an interesting story to tell by them) but for now, I just need to sleep while I have that peace and quiet.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Need Shut-Eye. Now.

Since I am the only mom on the planet that has to work night shifts, I am exercising my right to complain about how tired I am. Yes, I know that I am not really the only mom on the planet that has to work nights, but I am the only mom on the planet that has to work nights and has kids like mine. I guess that sounds more fair, huh? (although totally inaccurate as well I concur). I've always half-joked (kind of) that if my third born had been my first, that we would not have had the 4 others... That being said, J is SUCH a terrific kid full of that terrific kid energy. I would have to consume 77 Pikes Peak sized Diet Cokes and a bottle of speed before I had 1/2 the energy that this kid has! Think Tasmanian devil gone wild, and you get a glimpse of my terrific kid. When he's not swinging from the ceiling fan or scaling any tree he can find, J can be found dancing on the kitchen table or hiding in the clothes dryer. (hiding because he knows about something destructive that he has done and I have yet to find out about) Someday, I will look back on it all and be able to laugh so hard that I will lose control of my bladder. Someday.

I had all of my little cherubs at the doctors office the other day because one of them had an appointment. Knowing that the doctor has yet to have any children, I am not sure he will ever have any after the spectacle that mine put on in his office. I think if he had any desire at all, my kids probably cured him of that! I did piece back together the waiting room the best I could, so hopefully we'll be allowed back in for the follow-up appointment next week. I may dress the kids in drag and wear a wig myself, so maybe the doctor and staff won't remember us!

I am trying to think of things to keep the kids busy today, so that maybe they won't notice when I nod off. They seem to be content for the moment watching 'Astronaut Farmer' and telling each other to shut up. I think maybe I'll record some of my 'Mom Sayings' on R's voice recorder, so that when they are talking to me and asking for stuff, I can just press a button and have the appropriate response at the ready and I won't have to actually talk.

Yeah, as if.

So, I made the mistake of taking the kids out into public again this afternoon. That was a bad idea that only got worse. And the scary part is, we didn't even get out of the car! All of the mayhem took place in the confines of the Montero. Let's just say it wasn't pretty, and a certain somebody ended up getting a root beer float thrown in his face by a certain angry mom. In that certain moms defense, the kid deserved it. Badly. So much for wanting to be 'nice mom' and do something fun with them. I hate that attitude always ends up getting thrown around and then everyone gets so angry that it's a scream-fest. At least the kid who got 'offended' upon can see the bright side in the fact that he can spike his hair up with the stickiness and it stays even better than when he uses hairspray, and he likes that his shirt now tastes like root beer :)

Onto a different subject...R has finally actually spoken to the counselor I made mention of in a previous post. He has an appointment this Thursday! Yahoo! Weird thing is though, this is the very same counselor my Mom had when she and my Dad were going through their rough waters and ultimate divorce. Small world, huh?

I'm going to sign off for now...I've got to clean root beer and ice cream off the windows and seats before I make the trek to work again.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Holding my breath

He did it. He actually did it! All on his own accord, (minus the ultimatum from me) R called a friend, got a phone number for a counselor, and actually called the counselor. Granted he had to leave a message, but to me, him doing this is a giant leap toward what I hope to be healing waters. He has been so adamantly against going to a counselor, mostly because he has some major misconceptions as to what it's all about. He has this notion in his mind that the counselor is going to make him aware of some horribly awful stuff that he 'might' have lurking deep down within him. Stuff that he is very afraid of 'finding out'. He's not even sure what that 'stuff' might be, or even if there is 'stuff'! So, I am thanking my lucky stars (and my heavenly Father) that he has made this first step.

Wading away from such heavy stuff now... S is looking so punky today. The impetigo has taken over a huge portion of his little nose. He's taken quite the stance against willingly accepting his antibiotic and he protests loudly and wildly when I have to put the topical cream on and in his nose. You'd think that I was torturing the poor kid to hear him put up such a fuss. I have to put on my heavy-duty mom hat to hold down all of the writhing limbs and such! I'm always ready to wipe his tears away and cover him with kisses when I'm done...

R has decided that he's going to look for another job. NOT in car sales. He's realized that he's not cut out for sales and he was surprised at how utterly slow business was in the first place! Some days would go by with nary a customer on the lot, so between the several dealers there at any one time, it would seem vultures worked there.

Here we go again with the nerve twisting, faith stretching uncertainty of our livelihood...

Monday, August 20, 2007


Sounds like the place to Margaritaville that is! R took us all out to the Olive Garden last night for dinner and I had not only wine, but a strawberry-mango margarita as well. Yup, it was a splurge, and it was only done because R had been given a large gift certificate that was supposed to be used to take his family out to dinner. I really enjoyed that margarita and let's just say that it made for a more pleasant dining experience with the kids. (if anyone has ever dined out with 5 children, you know what I mean)

I had to take S into the pediatrician today. What started out as an innocent looking blister on the inside of his nose on Friday, has turned into something usual! The poor little guy has a staph infection (impetigo) and the blistering has spread and burst, leaving most of his little button nose(between his nostrils) covered in a honey-colored crust that keeps peeling and bleeding. So, a course of oral and topical antibiotics was prescribed and a popsicle was given. The sweet little bub looks like he took a nose dive on the pavement!

I'll be taking C into the eye doctor today as well. He has been feeling an overwhelming urge to very heavily blink his left eye over the past couple of months. He's also mentioned that he feels some sort of pressure in his eye. I am thinking that it is just part of his tic disorder, but C himself asked me to take him to the doctor, so I know that it is truly bothering him.

Nothing much else to say today...I am still trying to recover my brain function from all of the wild activity this weekend (ie; working 25 overnight hours in 2 days, NOT the margarita!) so I think I'll sign off now and finish up some other mindless tasks that are awaiting my attention.

Until next time...

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Blog in a fog

Okay, so that was such a dumb title for this, but it's once again Saturday and I am once again in that sleepless fog. I keep having to tell myself, "One more night, just one more night". That seems to get me through knowing that after tonight, I'll be off until Friday :)

It's been a pretty quiet day. The kids are busy playing with friends and the baby is dancing around to the silly songs on the latest Veggie Tales movie, so I have been afforded the time to sit and write, which is always a catharsis to me. R left for work at 8am as usual. He was actually waiting for me in the driveway this morning so he could hop in the car and go. Talk about two ships passing in the night, er, morning! E came to work with me last night and kept his eyes pryed open until the wee hours of the morning watching High School Musical 2 on Disney. He would have stayed up longer if I hadn't put my foot down and made him get some shut eye. It's nice to have him with me, even if sometimes it's only to keep the peace at home. He is a huge instigator of arguments between the kids and R, so I take him with me quite often.

I really feel guilty about wishing away the weekends. I want to enjoy being at home with the kids and not want Monday to come so soon, but darn it, the weekends just leave me weary and withered. I feel like such a lump of flubber. Speaking of flubber, I am (once again!) going to get with the program and lose some of this weight. I have given myself a personal goal to be at my ideal weight (which is still largely undetermined) by my 34th birthday in June. I spent my 20's overweight because of pregnancy after pregnancy...I really don't want to spend my 30's fluffy as well! I am aiming to have 25-30 pounds gone by the end of January 2008, and to be at my final goal (probably another 20-25 pounds) by the 24th of June 2008. If I weren't such a stress-eater, I'd actually have confidence in myself that I could meet these goals. When I am under stress (which is pretty much always!) I eat mindlessly and without regard. Bad carbs and comfort foods become my friend and my 'support'... even though I always end up feeling worse than I did before when I eat like that. I always start out the day with the best of intentions to eat healthfully and normally, but usually by the time breakfast rolls around, I've experienced so much stress that it all goes to the wayside.

I hate feeling fat. Fluffy. Overweight. Large. Wide. Whatever the term, you get the picture. I really hate the way I can feel the fat on my face and under my chin(s). I despise the rolls of fat on my belly and back, my dimply thighs and thick ankles, and the way my arms keep flapping long after I've waved goodbye. I especially hate having a 'muffin top' because my pants are so tight the fat squishes out the top. I think I had a reality check last weekend at work when a patient said to me "Now, don't take this the wrong way, but I am really surprised that you are so heavy since you have 5 children to run around after". Wow, if that wasn't a kick in the gut, I don't know what is.

Signing off for now... I have to wipe the crumbs from my Wendy's hamburger and fries off the keyboard.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

'I don't got a belly button'

As I sit in the basement contemplating what I should shove off on this blog tonight, I hear the giggles of 2 of my boys singing a very enchanted song with lyrics including "I don't got a belly button" and then it's just a bunch of gibberish mixed in with the laughter...and a few ah ha's thrown in there as well. As amusing as it is to me, R just sits there with an angry face and an even more angry tone to his tired voice. I'm not quite clear what his issue is tonight, as I thought we actually had a pretty good day together. His attitude is really disheartening to say the least. It snuffs out the tiniest bit of hope that I may have felt today. Such is the story of my life these days.

It's funny (or not so much) how contagious anger is and how fast it spreads. It spreads faster than it can be stopped, that's for sure. I thought I was in a pretty good mood tonight as I had dinner with a friend and was able to vent to her and not feel judged...but then I had to come home to the house under siege by R. I guess it's fair to say that it's under siege by an 11 year old boy who seems to control the emotions of his 38 year old father as well.

I think instead of trying to break down the thick walls between R and I, we actually add on a layer of brick and mortar most days. Sometimes even 2 or 3 layers get put on...those are the days when even the house itself seems to sigh with relief when night falls and everyone sleeps. Those are also the days when I feel defeated the most. Defeat doesn't come in a nice and pretty package, it comes with gut-wrenching guilt that another day has gone by without any resolution to our seemingly impossible situation.

Why is it when I most want and need the answers and guidance from my heavenly Father, He seems so unreachable? Almost like the whole God/relationship/salvation thing is something that everyone else can attain, but for me, it's held just out of my reach...and every time I try harder to press into Him, He runs from me. Now I know that isn't the way it is, but like I've said before, I am just trying to make sense of all this gobbledygook and find my way around the murky waters of this thing called marriage and life. Oh, and parenthood too. Let's hope I can find the way before I run out of air...

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Mass Confusion

I'm at a crossroad.

I am so confused. I am torn. Torn between giving up on my 14 year relationship with R because the pain is too much to bear, or trudging on and pushing through the pain and making things work. I married this man for a reason. I loved him dearly and with all my heart. I had such hopes and dreams for us. I had imagined us to always be happy and in love with each other. The big, happy family that I dreamed about is not playing out the way it's supposed to.

What I didn't bargain for was this darkness that has overcome us. Not only has it covered R and I, it has covered our children as well. I also didn't bargain for the fact that I am married to an addict. We are living in a literal hell day in and day out. There is no relief. Maybe it's a self-imposed hell, and maybe it's not as bad as I am making it out to be in my own head? I have questioned my own sanity at times! I feel like I am grieving. Grieving the loss of my dream of a picture-perfect marriage and family. I am grieving that I have failed in that. I am grieving that R has failed me. I am grieving that fact that I may not get to see my longing for another child come true.

Although I am ashamed to admit it, just the other night (Sunday night) I sank to a new low and seriously contemplated ending it all. I poured A LOT of alcohol and A LOT pills and almost drowned my massive pain in it all. Sometimes the hurt is just so bad I want it to stop, you know what I mean? I drank the alcohol, but could not take the pills. Seriously, I would not have gone through with it, but the temptation was so very strong. Besides, I do have a bit of a nursing background, and what I had would not have killed me, it just would have pickled my kidneys and left me on dialysis the rest of my life :) All joking aside, never would I put my children and family through the agony something done out of a moment of despair.

I contacted an attorney yesterday. A divorce attorney. I filled out the paperwork. I got a case number. I cried. Then, as quickly as I had done all of that, I changed my mind and couldn't go the next step. As of Sunday night, I was certain that I was going to take the plunge and file. I was so sick of the pain and the fighting and the downright violence...I was ready. Then, he came home and said he was sorry for it all. Again. He said he loves me and wants it to work. He cried. His show of any emotion besides anger, said a lot to me. He's always been void of showing any kind of emotion. Maybe he truly is remorseful? Maybe he really has changed? I find it hard to hold onto the hope that he has, until he makes a few more steps and gets some help. He is holding back on taking that giant (to him) step. I need him to RUN to get help...instead he is dawdling his way though not admitting that he needs it. That's the frustrating part. I've told him that in order for us to build trust again, he needs to go to a counselor and really dig deep. His soul is so full of junk and pain, but he refuses to stir it up for fear of what really lurks there.

So, for now, I am trying to maintain my mind and my marriage. If ever there was a God, may He show His mighty powers now.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Never Did I Dream

Most people, I suppose, look forward to the weekends...a time to relax and unwind from the busyness of the week. Me? I d r e a d the weekends as it begins my 56+ hours of hell. From the time I get up on Friday mornings, I can count on not getting any appreciable sleep until Sunday night! Not to mention, as soon as I get home from work at 8am Saturday mornings, R leaves as soon as I walk through the door to work himself....leaving my weary head in charge of 5 kids--alone. ALL day. And then I return to work Saturday night as well (taking the kids with me until R can pick them up). Honestly, it's not the best of situations!

Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I HATE IT! I hate what/who I am becoming due to sheer exhaustion. I feel like I am constantly complaining about 'having to work'-- I know that plenty of women do work--but my heart is so not in it. I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years before having to work out of necessity. That's another sore spot in my book of complaints. I long for the days where I can just concentrate on the job of being mom, and not all this other crap.

Ugh. Signing off....until next time. I've got nothing else of any worth to say.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Up The Ante, Boys

What a terrible day this started out to be, only for once, it wasn't me who started it! R went down to wake C and J up early as they had failed to do what they needed to do before bedtime. C screamed at R for waking him up before his alarm, and it all went downhill from there. Instantly, R turned into a big buffoon and anger permeated the house...once again. (I couldn't wait for 7:30 to come, so he would leave)

To top it all off, the kids engaged in World War 3000 (they've already had wars 3-2,999). J took it upon himself to shoot E with an air soft pistol because (of course) E made him angry by teasing him. Whoa! Did that tick E off, and bad! First, he ran upstairs to me to tell me what happened, and before I could tell him I was proud of him for not retaliating and killing J for what he did, he shot off like a bat outta hell down to J's room where he TORE into the poor kid. Apparently, E shoved over a big dry erase board easel (with the intent to hurt J, I'm sure) and it landed on J's little foot. So, tears poured out of J and anger seethed out of E...and now J is sporting a very bruised and swollen left foot.

The ride to school was pure hell. I could hardly get myself back into the car after signing G into class before the hot tears began to stream down my cheeks. I sobbed all the way home. When I opened the door to our home to come in, it didn't even feel right, if that makes any sense at all. I swear we must have demons living in the walls that are preying on my children day and night. Scary stuff, for sure. My heart just breaks that the children have such a disdain for each other. The anger they have and the violence that manifests is getting to be too much. Lord, HELP!

I hate days that start like this, because inevitably they end the same way. However, because I know this, I am determined to NOT let that happen today. I want, need and crave peace in our home and in our hearts. I really don't know how to prevent another episode like this mornings, as it seems no matter how positive I am, they don't care...and it shows.

Lord, I cry out to you to save our family....we are in a terrible place and it seems there is no relief in sight. Please, show your power in a very real way. Heal our torn and ripped hearts and bring restoration to our souls. Show your mighty hand in my marriage and bring forgiveness and release the binding of bitterness and resent in my heart. You are the almighty counselor and heavenly Father...please, rain down your peace and presence in our home and family. Help us to conquer this stronghold of anger and bring joy into our lives again. I thank you for my husband and my children. I thank you that you are faithful to me, even though I turn my back to you more often than not....

Monday, August 6, 2007

And So, It Begins Again

After a blissful 7 hours of not having to deal with fighting and squabbling because it was the first day of school, it begins again. They had to come home sometime :) It actually began on the ride home, of course.

It's 7:20pm now and bedtime is crawling closer and closer. R is still not home and I am beginning to feel the effects of being a Mom!! My impatience is showing...

It was really nice to have the kids back in school today. I found myself looking around the house for G because it was so quiet! I actually forgot a time or two that I dropped her off at school too! I find it hard to believe that my little girl is old enough for preschool. Her teacher told me that she had a great day--even though she did get a little bit of the 'giggles'.

I wish that I had accomplished more over the summer with the kids...wishing I had had more fun with them, rather than just sending them out to play. Wishing I had yelled less and loved more. I am glad that the summer has ended, but as usual, it didn't go as I had hoped.

On a more positive note, R has finally made some sales! He sold 2 cars in 2 days. Yippee! I think that it has given him the confidence boost that he needed...he was getting very down from not having even one sale in his first month. He told me last night that one of the other dealers told him that they had placed bets on him that he would quit within 2 months and that they really thought he'd give up.(and still do!) So much for having the support of your co-workers, huh? I guess in the land of car sales, it's every man for himself. Deep down, I know that R will make it...and be successful. It's the worry-wart side in me that has the doubts. He's always provided for us, and we have never gone without what we need, so why do I worry? R took this job in the hopes that I would eventually be able to quit my night job and be a full time stay-at-home mom again. I do respect him for that, and if he can't have the support of even his co-workers, he needs the support from his wife, right?

Signing off....the battles have begun in earnest again, and I've got lunches to pack and teeth to brush!

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To Work I Go...

Can I just say it again? I am SO tired!! I feel out of control in every sense. My emotions are all over the place(mainly anger) , I am eating like a starved lunatic,and my eyes burn like fire...

Never again will I volunteer for 2 extra night shifts in one week. (Duh!) I only took the extra shifts so that I could pay for school fees and supplies without going into debt over it.

I got a pretty good break from the kids today. My Dad took the older 3, and my Mom and step-Dad took G. It was just me and quiet! I tried to sleep, but only got in about an hour and 1/2 of a 'nap'. It was one of those kinds of sleep where your eyes are closed, but your mind will totally not shut off! Still, it was a nice to have a little peace and quiet, if only to watch my little cherub sleep :)

In an hour from now, I'll be leaving again for one more shift...then I'm off for 5 nights.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Is It Bedtime Yet?

I really want bedtime to get here. Quickly. And I want to skip all of the stuff between now and bedtime too. Alas, I still have to prepare dinner, clean up after preparing said dinner, give baths, clean up the tidal waves after giving said baths...and so on and so on. It's the life of a mom :) I wouldn't so much mind it today, but I worked a 10 hour shift last night (until 7:30 this morning) so my eyelids are heavy and my head is in a fog. At least I get to sleep in my own bed for one glorious night before I work again three nights in a row. The things us Moms do to keep the kids fed and clothed, huh?

It's blazing hot outside today, so I am VERY thankful for our central air. I had forgotten just how hot it was until I stepped outside sans shoes and my feet nearly melted on the concrete! It seems almost wrong that school is starting in a mere 5 days, being that it is so hot, but who am I to complain?? (Jumping for JOY that school is starting in 5 days!!)

I'm going to sign off for now...I have 2 boys battling at my feet for ownership of the beloved computer.