Saturday, February 9, 2008

They Say Confession Is Good For The Soul

I confess...I am a tired old hag. There, I said it. Okay, so maybe I'm not old, and perhaps I'm not quite a hag, but I am tired. Really tired.

I'm tired of my kids non-stop fighting. I'm tired of yelling at them to stop fighting. I'm tired of not being listened to. I'm tired of yelling at them to listen to me. I'm tired of the everyday responsibility that I have to carry, mostly on my own. I'm tired of a lot of things...maybe I shouldn't mention them all here.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride this last week. I was given some *very* exciting news about something literally life changing on Wednesday. The ride got even more exciting on Friday afternoon. Then Friday night, just when I was finally settled into the idea of what was to come, and my heart was about to burst with excitment and hope, the ride came to a halt. Quickly. I got off the ride, teary and trembling with disappointment, wanting to complain and become, well, hag-like. Instead, I tumbled it all around in my head and realized that I actually have an answer to my prayers. Sometimes God says yes. Sometimes God says no. Sometimes He says maybe. And sometimes He says wait. I am taking this turn of events, however crushingly disappointing it was, as a profound "wait" from Him. I confess, I still poured out the tears, and expressed my disappointment in some hag-like ways, but now, I am content to just wait. ( I figure if I say that outloud enough, just maybe I'll believe it )

Anyway, onto something new...
On a whim, we decided to brave a car ride across town today to take the kids to the pool. We got there in one piece, although a little ticked off at all of the punching, slapping and whining that came from the backseat. We had a great time floating around in the pool and getting out some pent up energy. (the kids energy, not mine) It was nice not hearing "shut up" and "I hate you, idiot" for the 90 minutes that we were in the pool. Now, the kids are laying around watching "My Girl" and actually being quiet--that being said, I'm pretty sure one or two of them are asleep, since it is quiet.

After the terrible day we had today with Eli, I'm hoping the kids are able to slumber sweetly and put it all behind them.
I think I'll go and curl up with my curly headed Sam, and drift off to sleep myself. (although I will require 2 Advil PM to help me sleep, I'm afraid)


No comments: