Saturday, July 28, 2007

A Glimmer

Although I have no idea where it's coming from, I can feel a teeny tiny glimmer of hope coming from way down deep within! The other night, R and I had yet another ugly fight after (and during) trying to deal with E's latest rage. I ended up loading up all of the kids to get them out of the house so R could calm down...when I returned 20 minutes later, R was gone. He returned several hours later and we talked until the early morning hours. He admitted he could see himself 'turning into his father' and expressed utter disdain over that fact. He says he doesn't want to be like his father AT ALL in any respect. I can't blame him for that, I don't want him to be like his dad either! Anyway to make a long story a little bit shorter, we prayed together and it seemed like that brought R a some relief from his angst. So, that is where the glimmer comes from I suppose. (read on to understand more)

I have always been a bit of a 'reluctant daughter' to my Heavenly Father. Not quite sure one way or the other if all of this gobbledygook called scripture is true or not. I have denied my husband of what he has begged me pray with him, for all of our 14 years together. I don't know why I am so uncomfortable with even the thought of praying out loud with him. I guess it's because it might make me feel vulnerable? ( to what I'm not sure) Truth be told, I have heard that still small (and sometimes not so small) voice of the Holy Spirit telling me to "PRAY WITH YOUR HUSBAND"! And every time I almost gather up the courage to do that, my mouth becomes dry, my lips seal, and it feels like I have no voice at all. I can't bring myself to speak out loud the words that are begging to to be spoken. Words that I know could bring life and hope to our marriage and family.

That being said, I think that because I did pray with him, that is where the glimmer comes from!

All is not well and good in our world, not by a long shot, but I've got more hope for our future than I have in a long time.

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