Ouch, My Heart....it Hurts!

Today I did what I think will qualify as in fact the hardest thing I've ever done. Ever.

Harder than birthing my children. Harder than, well, I don't know what because there is nothing harder that I've ever done.

Today I took my son up into the mountains and left him there. Now before you go thinking I am some horrible mom that just dumps her kid off, hear me out...

After agonizing for weeks over 'should we do it, or should we not', the decision was made to do it. For his sake.

My little boy, who is all of 12, has been admitted to a residential treatment facility for the next 30 days. 30 long and hard days. 30 days I will never get back with him. But, they are 30 very important and very necessary days. My boy is lost in his anger and emotions and I need to help him find himself again.

My heart feels like it's literally bleeding...one drop at a time...and my tears are falling in streams.

Leaving my red-cheeked, scared and nervous little boy there was the ABSOLUTE hardest thing I have ever done.

I love you my sweet Eli...and I will always love you. I will miss you fiercely and my heart will ache until you are safe at home again. I will vigilantly pray blessings over you. I will think of you constantly, and I will await your return home. I love you, I love you, I love you...

and I always will.