Bad Idea #63,484

Maybe it was a wild and crazy idea, but I went ahead and did it. I loaded up the kids into the van, drove to the hair salon, got two of the boys haircuts...okay, so that doesn't sound so crazy, right? No, the crazy part was me loading up the kids into the van, getting haircuts and then going to the grocery store. Normally, I do whatever it takes to not take the kids to the store. At all. Ever. However, I was feeling particularly brave, and I decided to take my chances to run in and grab a rotisserie chicken, (because I was too tired to actually cook) a few gallons of milk and perhaps some fruit. Grabbing the chicken was pretty easy, as it was right there at the entrance to the store....except, as soon as I pulled the cart up next to the deli to select the chicken, Sam bolted from me and before I knew it, he was spooning (or better said--catapulting) marinated green olives onto the floor. I quickly scooped him up to remove him from the slippery mess when he let loose with a screech so loud that I (and everyone else in the near vicinity) nearly ruptured an eardrum.

With a howling Sam slung under one arm and pushing the cart with the other, I corralled the rest of the kids and hastily made my way towards the produce section to grab a bunch of bananas and a bag of apples. Another bad idea. Josh, being the very active, but not quite attentive kid that he is, ran (and I do mean ran) smack into a floral display sending some lovely blooms and containers of water onto the floor. At this point, I was horrified and told the kids to "Get in line RIGHT now". Forget the fruit, forget the milk. I just wanted to usher them out of the store as fast as I could.

Well, since I always have the best of luck, the customer ahead of us in line had some problems with her credit card, so we were stuck behind her (with a line of people behind us)for quite a while--like a whole 3 minutes, but it seemed like 30....Sam was still screaming, Gracie was doing the "I gotta go potty" dance, and the rest of them were begging for candy and gum and not wanting to take "no" for an answer...My goodness, I will move heaven and earth before I step foot into the store with all of them again. Besides, I think we've now officially been banned from Safeway. So, next time I'm in need of groceries, I think I'll put on a hat (maybe even a paper bag over my head) and drive to the next town over to do my shopping. Alone.

It's Like The Blind Leading The Blind

That's what parenting feels like to me these days. I have no clue what to do when the kids are punching and slapping each other silly. I have no idea what to do when they continue to run through the house like bulls even though I have told them to stop 100 times already. I'm at a loss here...and it's not good. I know what I want to do, and that's to yell. I have learned however, that when I yell, the kids shut down and tune me out. That's the exasperating thing...I get frustrated and angry, so I yell. They tune me out. I get even more frustrated and yell even more. They tune me out. Sensing a theme here?

You know, I wasn't prepared for this parenting stuff. That being said, I don't think it's something you really can prepare for...each child and situation are different--there's no way you can prepare for that :)

If I had to do it all over again, knowing then what I know now...

Anyway, onto a different subject--on the early morning drive to school on Friday, Eli said something to me that made me stare myself down in the mirror. It was the only thing he said to me the whole way there...he said " Mom, you've got a mustache"! If he did say anything after that, I didn't hear it because I was too busy looking at myself in the rear view mirror to see if indeed I did have a mustache. I'll just say that I now own a home waxing kit. (ouch!)
Enough said.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

When it rains, it pours. And it seems like it's always raining at our house.

I took an elated Eli in to see an ear specialist today. (he was elated because he got to miss a half day of school) Eli was first seen by an audiologist so he could have a hearing test. I knew pretty much right away that he had bombed the test when the audiologist kept shaking her head with a concerned look on her face. Unfortunately, it was confirmed that his hearing has gone from so-so passable, to downright bad. (in other words, from mild to severe loss) He also had what is called a 'Type C' tympanogram, meaning he has negative pressure in his ears causing his eardrums to retract. You know how your ears feel when you go up in altitude...they feel like they need to pop? Well, Eli's ears are 'stuck' that way.

A CT scan was ordered to 'sort out' possible reasons for his continued hearing loss, (tumor of the inner ear , you know, non-scary things like that! ) and his fifth ear surgery is in the works to be scheduled as well. Being the worry wart that I am, I now have a stomachache :(

Maybe with all of the digging around to be done in Eli's head, a reason will be found for his less than stellar behavior as of late....wishful thinking, no?

Humility

I had one of 'those' days this past Sunday. It started off with a bang with Eli tantruming like a toddler, and it continued that way all day. Anyway, at one point, the stress became too much for me to bear....so, I left. I ran out the front door sans make-up, sans coat and sans sanity. I jumped in the VW and hit the road, leaving skid marks on the pavement, I'm sure. I also left behind 5 crying, terrified children...afraid they had lost their mother. Nope, their mother just lost her mind for a moment or two thousand and twenty three.

As I burned rubber flying up the street, tears streamed down my bare face, pooling in my lap. Words that would make a nun go deaf exploded from my mouth, as did screams of agony and defeat. I shamefully admit that the curses and screams were directed specifically at God. I yelled at Him so harshly that I thought my carotid artery would dissect itself right then and there. Seriously, my throat burned and my vision was dimmed with the intensity of my gutteral screams. I blurted out things to God that I am too ashamed to admit. The rage and disappointment I felt was so strong...I could not even begin to stifle it.

My ringing cell phone jolted me back to reality, but I didn't answer it. I knew it was the kids calling to beg me to come home. I didn't want to go home, I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to just leave it all behind and never look back. But, my heart of hearts, knows what is right. My tears ceased and I quieted myself to listen to the worship music that was playing on the radio. As soon as I could think clearly, I again, blurted things out loud to God. Only this time, I wasn't yelling at Him, nor cursing Him...I apologized to Him for all of the things that I had said in my anger. I admitted defeat, asking (begging) Him to bring His peace and let it settle upon me. I made sure to mention that I didn't mean the things I said to Him ( I didn't) and asked His forgiveness. As much as I know that my God is not a spiteful and revengeful God, deep down I feared what could happen in my life because of my hatefulness to Him.

You know what? God did forgive me and He will always forgive me. He showed up the very next day in a phone call from Roy telling me that he had just gotten a very big promotion at work. As soon as the words fell from Roy's lips, I shuttered inside thinking about my actions the day before. I stood there in the middle of the kitchen humbled inside, in awe of what God was putting into motion for us, despite myself.

Humility is a very good thing.

Oh, Give Me A Break

I'm pretty sure that when I went to school, there were less syllables in words than there are now. As a matter of fact, I have become privy to a whole new language, courtesy of my kids. On the way home from work the other night, I checked my voicemail and got the most annoying message I think I have ever heard. At first, I thought it was a screeching animal or someones nails on a chalkboard...then I realized it was neither of those things, it was Eli.

"MOOOOOMMM!! Dad won't let me watch the movie! He says I HAVE to do my hoooomeework FIIIIRRRRSSSSST! It's not Faiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaiiiiiiiir!" Lord of lords, I had to hit the delete button before the message was even finished, I couldn't stand to hear another word of it. Besides, hours had elapsed since Eli had left me the message...I'm sure the crisis was over anyway.

I have to admit, I hear SO much whining and fit-throwing that I have become almost calloused. I have a tolerance for whining that lasts about as long as it takes for the whine to spill out of the whinees mouth. Not very long at all. Ew.

Eh, maybe I'm just having a bad day.... I just wanna go to bed and not have to clean the house and do more laundry. It's not faiiiiiaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiirr!

Bittersweet

Today my baby turned 2. Today is also the 4th anniversary of the day my brother Paul, died.

I still mourn the loss of Paul, but the wonderful thing is, I can still celebrate life! Life goes on even when things are horrible, terrible and rotten. I'll never quite understand why my brother's life ended so soon, nor why things worked out the way they did and Sam was born on that day, but there is always a plan, a reason. Our lives are orchestrated by one that is mighty and powerful.

So, to my sweet, precious, darling little boy...Happy 2nd Birthday! Sam's birth was a joyous moment that quickly turned to terror when it was determined that he was so ill. He was strangled by his umbilical cord, the very thing that provided him a lifeline while in the womb, was unfortunately the thing that nearly took his life as well. Praise GOD that my sweet one survived his rocky start. I am forever grateful to the wonderful doctors and nurses that kept watch over my son as he was struggling on life support, a ventilator breathing for him. He was kept in an medically induced comatose state for nearly a week...and I didn't even get to hold him until he was 4 days old. Looking back on it now, it takes my breath away...

Happy birthday to my happy boy. I love you, Sam!

Boogers And Such

Boogers. What a gross thing. Boogers are especially gross when picked out of the nose of one child and then eaten by another child. That's what happened here...I never thought I'd hear myself utter "Please give your brother back his booger"--followed by " I can't, I ate it". (from child that stole booger) So, even though I thought it was already an unspoken rule, I had to mark it down in the Family Rule Book that there is no booger eating, especially eating the boogers of a sibling. Is it not bad enough they feast on their own boogers?

Okay, enough about mucus...

I am trying to come up with my list of resolutions for the new year. I don't know why I bother doing that because I don't think I have ever kept any of the resolutions I have made in the past. I may have made it to January 15th or so, but no longer than that. I have the usual and customary resolutions, you know, the ones where I swear off sweets and vow to lose 15 pounds a month until I am beautifully thin, the one where I vow to never lose my temper with my kids and... on and on.

I do have a list this year too. Not a long and exhaustive list, but a list none-the-less. Here it is in no particular order:

I will lose weight. (uh huh)
I will exercise. (yeah right)
I will not explode at my kids in anger. (this one I am really attempting)
I will try to keep the house cleaner and more organized. (not an easy feat with 5 impossibly messy kids)
I will attempt to do something each day to show my hubby that I respect him. (gonna be tough...not that I don't respect him, but I fail to show it most of the time)

There it is...in writing.

Well, I am going to sign off now as I have a list 2 miles long of things to accomplish today. The sun is already down and I worked an 8 hour shift today, so I may need to cut my list short. I can smell the baby from 2 floors down, so I think I'll move diaper change to the top of the list.

Until next time...